Mechanical Haiku Operations

It has been a long week, and it's only Monday today! Five quizzes gone one to go. So I have this course called Mechanical Unit Operations which any chemical engineer worth his vacuum evaporated salt must do (sadly). The course per se is somewhere between separation and mixing and I don't know where, exactly. So far as I know, it is in CRC 304. Anyway, I have been inventing new methods to spend the class time usefully, while still sitting in the class.

So the prof went on with his "Size reduction muggawuggayadayadawuggamugga Chamber yadayadayada grinding muggawugga particle ...." and it was mostly an overhead transmission, primarily because I was not able to hear the prof clearly enough... and no I am not hard of hearing, just that I did not try hard enough!

So there were a lot of particles and their size being reduced and then the customer requirements and then I drew Groucho Marx and then ashish said he looked like paul mcartney and I mocked and said he looked more like munkey schaffer and then I decided to write haikus.

Now I am not throwing in that obvious line that would say that I am a greenhorn and I know nothing about writing haikus save the 5-7-5 syllable count,and apologize profusely for even having dreamt about writing a haiku. For all I care,they looked pretty neat to me once I finished writing them.

So here goes... my haikus in chronological order:

I'm learning to fly
A particle blown away
In the D-slot class

The class happened to be in a D-slot, and was about size reduction of particles...

And soon enough ashish came up with one of his own, which I promptly forgot and then I wrote another one

Didn't know what it was
Looked like nothing I had seen
The Invisible

and then as a dedication to the week that has been, the kind of which I have seen and shall see in numerous occasions, I came up with this...

We shall soon see
What has not been seen till now
'Morrow's quiz paper

and then ashish wrote two more to catch up with me. However, the prof felt that enough was enough and started taking the attendance, and then announced that we had to submit some simulation program, working as groups of three and dismissed the class.

So until next time
When there'd be probably more
Auf Wiedersehen!

That that is is is is and that that is not is not is not is not

As I sit down to pen this article, I step into deep meditation, I close my eyes , take a deep breath and take a view of the human life from the exterior. Having transcended the limits of the human body I am now in a position to comment on the sheer nothingness of the human race… well ok I didn’t do that! anyhow I decide to write about the first thing that comes to my mind and so continuing with my deep breath and all that I launch myself into a state of rather futile brainstorming and the first thing that came to my mind was… well, nothing! So I decide to write about nothing to see if it could mean anything at all!

So… as is the convention when writing earth-shaking articles of such vital importance, the Webster’s Dictionary refers to nothing as… um.. forget it I am too lazy to look up the definition. Anyways I shall now let you out on a little secret that is bound to send shockwaves in the community of the astrophysicists and related people who strive to find what exists beyond the universe. Well, ladies and gentlemen contrary to popular belief, there does exist something beyond the universe and it is (trumpets, drum roll) nothing.

The next obvious question in the mind of discerning reader would be to ask if we actually have to travel such a helluva distance like the end of the universe to find nothing. I mean, can we not find it at any other earthly spot? After all not all of us could become Arthur Dent! Well finding nothing is tougher than finding Nemo! That’s because you can see nothing, hear nothing, smell nothing, feel nothing or taste nothing when you see, hear, smell, feel or taste nothing. So perception of nothing with the five senses as we know them is totally impossible! But one place where we could find it for sure without travelling a helluva distance is the Webster’s Dictionary. So out goes my laziness and I retrieve the one-place–to-find-nothing-for sure-without-traveling-a-helluva-distance from my bookshelf. And it says nothing is “not anything”. As the above definition is detrimental to the raison d’atre of this article it shall be deemed heretical and condemned with immediate effect.

However a positive outcome of the whole exercise is that it has helped us evolve a cure for my laziness and it is nothing. It is only now that I understand the profound meaning of my mother’s oft repeated pearls of wisdom! She has been telling me all along that nothing could cure my laziness! And it has taken me so long to actually realize it.

So people, that’s the last word. Nothing is the universal cure to laziness(anything that could cure my laziness shall surely cure yours too!) as nothing gets you up on your feet as nothing else could!

This article first appeared in Alchemy, the Chemical Engineering department magazine, last year and later in The Sabre, the Narmad hostel magazine. And just in case, you were not able to punctuate the title... it is supposed to be read as "That that is 'is', is 'is' and that that is not 'is not', is not 'is not'! "